It's been a year. 2018 represented more change that I am used to (major career change and a surprise third pregnancy) and lots of personal growth around my privilege. As an Indian-Pakistani Muslim born and raised in America, there is so much I can do around issues in equity, education and social justice. So, I need to take it easy in 2019 and stop sweating the small stuff (clearly an oxymoron).
Here are my resolutions - feel free to steal, take or borrow them:
There's a clear theme in my resolutions around guilt and being enough and I can't project that onto my kids. I would hate for my kids to be as hard on themselves as I am so I am practicing forgiveness. You should try it too. Interestingly enough, as I wrapped up writing this post, I found a post I did for the Portland Moms Blog and found it had a similar theme: 2017 New Year's Post - it's interesting how little has changed in two years. What are your New year's resolutions?
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I sped down the freeway eager and slightly anxious. My passenger, a student from my class and refugee from Iraq, texted on her cell phone while telling me about life back home. She talked about the danger there, her hopes to some day go back to visit (and only visit), her love for America and the green card she recently received. We were visiting her Iraqi friend (a student and refugee) in the hospital because she had been very sick; I was nervous because I had only met the family once and wasn't sure what I'd see when I arrived.
And then, the OregonLive app text came, 1 killed in stabbing on MAX train as man directs slurs at women in head scarves, witness says. I peeked at my phone for a second, quietly gasped and looked over at this young, beautiful girl in her lovely, purple hijab and felt an ache so deep thinking about what would happen next if I read the story. And then, slowly, the events unfolded about what happened and I found myself unable to breathe while I read the story of a man terrorizing two girls on the MAX and the outstanding citizens who tried to save them. If you know me well, I vocalize my feelings. I am not one to stay quiet. I like to speak up. But this attack against these women, the death of these innocent men and what we have learned about the attacker have left me speechless, unable to comment or process and struggling to find the words. So here are a few things I am ready to say...
And because I was in shock, I never told my passenger about what happened on the MAX. I know her teenage world is so different than mine. She has a love for the green card she received as a result of escaping persecution in Iraq. I hope she doesn't feel scared when she finds out about it. I hate myself for not telling her but I know if I did, I may not be able to hold myself together. I scanned the classroom and noticed two students off-task. They seemed to be visiting a random website reading a discussion thread about Beyonce. Before I could dig further, I immediately told them to please focus on their work and close those windows. Begrudgingly, both students closed the random website and continued working on their assignment from my class.
It happens every day. As we bridge the digital divide by increasing access to computers and Internet to people of all socioeconomic statuses, more and more people are on the Internet browsing, learning, chatting, discussing and potentially putting themselves in danger. According to the Journal of Adolescent Health, in 82% of online sex crimes against minors, the offender used the victim's social networking site to gain information about a victim's likes and dislikes. In addition, 26% of online sex offenders used the victim's social networking site to gain information about the victim's whereabouts at a specific time. While the statistics may be alarming, the real issue is that we haven't given our kids the tools to be digitally aware. I mean, some of us have and many of us hope our teachers will help with this but, do you feel like you've spent time with your kids to discuss social media or online discussion boards? I know I haven't, because, the reality is, I hate the world where we are growing up with all the lockdown drills and the shootings, and now I have to scare my kids even more about the Internet? But, I do. I don't have to scare them but I can certainly start another conversation. As a teacher, I sincerely believe that digital citizenship (norms of appropriate, responsible behavior with regard to technology use) is everyone's job so here are some tips to get you started:
Common Sense Media has some great resources in their Family Toolbox to help you get the conversation started. Growing up in a highly digital age, our children's experiences and interactions are changing. From corresponding via letters (pen pals) back in the day to, now, using email, our social environment has shifted. We need to give our children the tools so they can be successful, productive citizens in society. From role modeling appropriate digital etiquette (putting our phones away during dinner) to having open, honest conversations, we all need to pitch in to have a better, brighter future. How are you teaching digital citizenship? We had passed the point of depression when I learned I was having a boy. Don't get me wrong, I love boys but I have no idea what to do with boys. So, when I learned we were having a boy, I held back tears and carried on with full-time student teaching and growing a baby inside of me. I had my check up for gestational diabetes and thought nothing of it but when my numbers came back "at risk," I was sent to take another three hour test where I learned I did, in fact, have gestational diabetes. This is when I started becoming exposed to the ugly of pregnancy. It's not just the ugly, but it's the problem with too much information, or misinformation for that matter. So I am just going to put it out there to the world..... when in doubt, stress or concern:
GOOGLE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Seriously mommas. I get the importance of education but the power of all the information out there can leave you weak in the knees. Gestational diabetes, per my several Google searches, would ultimately leave my child to have a potentially large head. My fairly easy and comfortable pregnancy had become a nightmare AND I couldn't eat what I want. I immediately met with a nutritionist and began rearranging my full-time student teaching and class schedules to figure out how I would manage this blasphemy. After a very informative meeting with a nutritionist and the realization that I would need to monitor my blood sugar, I began crying on an almost regular basis. But, my nutritionist and I came up with a strict schedule for the week which I was to follow. As a Type A personality who strives for perfection, I was going to kick gestational diabetes in the ass. One week of eating food that didn't taste particularly good AND monitoring my blood sugar down and just fifteen to go. I had a follow up appointment after a week to check in and they did my weigh in. Apparently, this diet we came up with didn't come with additional pounds so my weight was the same from the week before. I didn't think anything of it until the nutritionist scolded me for not gaining weight! Then, I sat in the car, again, and cried my eyes out. How could I be in trouble for following a diet WE came up with together? I followed the diet to a T. Each subsequent medical appointment was filled with dread and anxiety. Anything I ever read about gestational diabetes was completely useless. But you know what happened after my diagnosis? I delivered a perfectly healthy baby boy on the 4th of July. In that moment, when his head looked like a normal size and the pediatrician said he was just fine... I thought gestational diabetes was just a crappy hoax to make me eat better during my pregnancy. What I'm trying to say which I'm unsuccessfully getting across is... take your doctor's advice with a grain of salt and don't be so hard on yourself during pregnancy. While gestational diabetes is a real and true thing, I blamed myself a lot. I found myself really struggling and the fear of pregnancy was so real that I felt powerless. So, if you have/had/may have gestational diabetes, I promise that if you are kind to yourself... it'll all be ok. Also, my kids head size was JUST fine! Mrs. Hasan wasn't a dream that came to me. It was an idea, a feeling, or as many would say, a calling. I recall vaguely having a classroom of students in the shower. I was probably 10 or 12 years old using the steam on the glass door as my chalk board teaching students. So, when I walked away from advertising, I had my work cut out for me. From enrolling into a Master's program commuting an hour each way to staying on top of my student teaching responsibilities, I was a busy lady. Then, three months into my intensive Master's program, I realized I was quite late. In addition to being late, I was craving candy. The cashier at the pharmacy could have told me what was happening as she rung up the pregnancy test and bag of candy I was purchasing. This was going to be interesting. And then, it happened. The test was positive. I couldn't tell him. I had no idea what to say. I literally walked out of the bathroom and said, "we have a situation in the bathroom." He may be thinking toilet clog and I'm freaking out. Now, my journey to becoming a teacher is running parallel with being a mom! I was very lucky. My pregnancy was manageable. I did not suffer from nausea, vomiting or any severe issues (as long as I was driving the car). So, I became the primary car driver, continued my hour long commute to my university while continuing my student-teaching work. Student-teaching was a blast and I was very lucky for an "easy" pregnancy barring some complications (more on that in the Gestational Diabetes post). My graduation was in June and my due date was in July. Talk about a busy couple of months? And, that my friends, is my road to teaching (and motherhood) not quite the timing or order I wanted it. Mrs. Hasan didn't just come to me one day and come to life. Mrs. Hasan was a journey down a very windy road on a very confusing path. Here is the shortened version!
It all started in elementary school when my Asian-American mother told me that being a teacher is a waste of energy and resources. She insisted that if I truly want to teach, I should be really good at something, master it, and then if I must, go teach it. She went as far as to say that while she supported my need for a college education, she would not finance this education if I wanted to major in Middle School/High School Education. So, like any good daughter, I pursued my newest passion: Business. I was enamored by marketing, the study of why people buy, and how to manipulate data or allow data to tell a story. Business & marketing go hand in hand and I was proud to be a business major. I was interested in Journalism as well but after learning about the course known as "Info-Hell," I decided to forego the major and stick with a minor in Journalism. During college, I got cozy with the idea of having glamorous internships so began my search sophomore year for a summer internship. I got the call at 7:30AM from the Warner Bros. office in New York City about an advertising internship with their division known as DC Comics. I was ecstatic and when I had my phone interview, I had no idea what I said, how I did or what was happening but somehow, somewhere, God was smiling down at me and I was offered the opportunity of a lifetime. I spent a fabulous summer in New York City scraping by (did I mention it was an unpaid internship)? It was amazing and exhilarating. Like any good intern, I made copies, filed client information, compiled competitive reports, got coffee and set up informational interviews with anyone and everyone who would talk to me. After the summer, I hand wrote thank you cards to each person who gave their time and energy to me with the hopes of landing a job after graduation. It didn't happen right away. But it did, eventually. Six months after graduation, I got the call that there was an opening in the LA office. All I needed to do was to get physically down there on my own. I packed a car with as much stuff as I could fit and headed down. Little did I know this would be the beginning of my advertising career. Fast forward a year, I had mastered the Los Angeles market helping grow the business. I loved entertaining clients, presenting information to advertising agencies and managing relationships with decision makers to help their business grow. It was exhilarating. From DC Comics Los Angeles to DC Comics New York City, I was working with big brands like Atari, Activision, Got Milk and PlayStation. The print business was dying, however, so I needed to start considering opportunities in the digital space and, after six months of moving around to all the wrong places, I got to the right place: GiantRealm (formerly Games Media Properties). It was a tiny little start-up with good VC backing and the intelligence and management of some amazing people. In a short time, I went from Account Executive to Sales Director closing deals with major clients like NBC, Gillette and Slim Jim (see fun YouTube video here: Slim Jim Video). I took an opportunity to move back to Los Angeles and grow the territory there and before I knew it, I was sitting in meetings with the CEO and VP of Operations brainstorming marketing strategy, account management plans and thriving in my role but fading in my passion for the job. I was an unstoppable as a sales machine knowing how to get meetings, identify client needs and close deals. I even helped educate and train others at the company to be successful. All signs led to an opportunity in management to run the sales team. The day I seriously considered taking the next step in my career to run sales was the same day that the guy I was seeing wanted to move to another city to finish school. My mind raced. This guy was the one but he was going to another city. WTH! After some soul searching, I realized that my passion still lied in teaching (from when I was a little girl). In addition to that, I wanted to be with this guy for the rest of my life and the thought of living in a hotel/plane/different city on a regular basis no longer seemed appealing. So, I shifted my career ambitions to being a six-digit salary sales rock star to returning to school to get my Master's in Education and becoming a teacher. And this, my friends, is how Mrs. Hasan was born. |